Make MINE a Mimosa

Goodbye... for now.

2012-02-16T23:50:00.001-06:00

It's been rumored that I've abandoned this blog, and essentially, I guess I have. For a while, I thought I'd just keep it going, transition into my new life with Bob, and be okay with having everything all on one blog. However, that's just not the case. So, this will be my last post here. I've started a new blog, but I haven't put too much on there just yet. (I will share the address as soon as I really get it going.)

I've been busy. Bob got back home from Afghanistan and went straight to training in Houston. We are elbow deep in wedding planning (so Pinterest still gets a lot of my time). Work is insanely busy this time of year (all you damn resolutioners...). I'm coordinating a cross country move in a few very short weeks. Life is full. And ridiculously happy.

So, sweets, see ya'll again soon at another address.

Smooches,
Lucille

Month-end Recap?

2011-11-21T12:29:00.001-06:00

Soooo. Is this awkward? It's been so long since I've blogged, I know no one probably cares if I do a weekend recap or not. However, I'm doing one anyway. This blog is for me anyway.

Did I tell ya'll Bob is deploying? Well. He did. And to lead up to his departure, we made his regular "Kissing Crying Tour." From the 10th through the 14th, we covered 7 states and each branch of our families, starting with mine. We ended up driving from Little Rock, to Hometown, to Mississippi, to Atlanta, to Charlotte. In 5 days. In his car. Do you know what he drives? A corvette. Not exactly the picture of cross country comfort. And I've been paying for that uncomfortable seat. But I wouldn't trade those hours in the car with him for anything. And there's no one else who would have made it out of that car alive. He did good.

Once back in Charlotte, we hosted Neighborhood Thanksgiving. It. was. amazing. We made the following dishes: fried chicken, fried turkey, chicken and dressing, crawfish pasta, green been casserole, sweet potato casserole, bacon wrapped green beans and others contributed a ham, broccoli casserole, garlic mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, tiramisu, sweet potato pie, and rolls. Gah. Thank gawd for yoga pants!

So we basically just hung out the rest of the week, got him packed and ready to ship out, and said our goodbyes. My only experience with deployment was my Daddy when I was in 4th grade. And it was not pretty. I think I did a relatively fabulous job of holding it together when we said goodbye. However, as soon as he was out of sight, I lost it. Completely. Then while waiting in the terminal for my flight home, I saw his plane roll down the tarmac. Hello, meltdown. Then, since I fly stand-by, I couldn't get on the first flight and sat at the airport for 6 hours. It was way fun, but I made friends with the wait staff at Chili's. They gave me martinis; I gave them entertainment. For hours on end.

So, here we are. Bob is still en route to 'istan via Canada, Scotland, and Georgia (the country, not the peachy state). I get to have yet another Thanksgiving and then get to go wedding dress shopping in two weeks. Lord help my ever expanding ass.

As a friend told me, gobble gobble until you wobble. Happy turkey day, peeps!

Sj Thursday

2011-11-03T10:42:00.001-05:00

Because this is by far the cutest lady bug I've ever seen!!

Weekend Recap.

2011-10-31T23:19:00.000-05:00

Yep. Apparently that's all this blog is good for anymore. One day I'll post regularly again. You know what's really going on there, right? I totally jinxed myself by saying my new year's resolution was to end up with 365 posts. Yeah. Once that was stated, or typed (outloud), we all knew it wasn't going to happen.

So anyway. Weekend recap. It's official. My TSA cherry has been popped. I flew out to Charlotte Friday afternoon, but before I could get to my gate, TSA decided to have a little fun with yours truly. I got a full grope/pat down/whatever in front of God and everybody else in security. Behind a screen? Negative. Right out in front.

After being felt up (and down) several times, I was able to go back over and watch them ceremoniously take every single solitary item out of my bags and swipe it for bomb residue. They literally turned my bags inside out. Bras flying. Thongs being carried away in the wind. Boots and shoes tossed around like cotton balls. They swabbed every thing. At some point, something they swabbed came back as an Alarm! Danger! Explosive agent discovered! Thinking I was about to be headed to some deep down trench of the airport to be detained for days, I casually asked... Did that thing just tell you my toothpaste holder has bomb residue on it? "Yes. It gives false positives all the time. You're good." THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL TAKING SHIT OUT OF MY BAGS?! Grrrr...

Once satisfied that I was not indeed a terrorist, all while showing about 150 people my hot pink bra, I was graciously allowed to repack my bags. The TSA agent said my packing skills were far superior to his and there was no way he was going to get all that stuff back inside such a small carry on bag. Thanks, buddy. Appreciate that praise.

The rest of the weekend, thank gawd, was fabulous. Friday night after I landed, Bob and I drove down to Atlanta to spend the weekend with his parents. We hung out, watched football, shopped, ate, and relaxed. It was worth the hassle of getting out of Little Rock, but TSA never needs to know that.

Weekend Recap.

2011-10-24T17:40:00.003-05:00

So. I'm still knocking on death's door. It sucks. I don't know what the hell I have, but the bubonic plague can't be much worse. Gross.

I was supposed to be in Charlotte this past weekend, but there was no freaking way I was going to fly with that much sinus pressure and snot. My head would have exploded and it would NOT have been pretty. Bob didn't want to risk getting sick, so he stayed at home. That left me home. Alone. With my germs. And the kitty, who is not used to having me at home that much. Three days off work, followed by a whole weekend of me around, and that cat was more than ready for me to come back to work today. I was totally crimping his style (is that expression supposed to be "cramping his style?").

For about an hour each afternoon, I had a little while of feeling well. I took full advantage. Saturday I got a haircut (at which my beloved Stephanie took off waaay too much), a pedicure (where chickie, not Lilly, cut my toe with an emery board...guess they ARE dangerous), and then made a much needed run to Kroger (where I careened my buggy into an end cap). Then I went home and crashed.

Sunday I hit the sale at the Loft. I got $400 worth of clothes for $240. That definitely made me feel better. So I came home, had a one person fashion show (the lighting in dressing rooms rarely do me and all my hotness justice), and then I crashed.

On weekends when I'm at home, I usually clean out my DVR, catch up on all things Bravo, and just chill. Since I was deathly ill last week and off work, I caught up on all my shows then. That left this weekend miserably boring. Gah. Plus, Bob went about his usual weekend activities, went to all the functions we were supposed to attend together, and was unavailable to keep me company via skype. So boring.

I'm heading to the doc-tor tomorrow to get some real drugs. Screw this OTC cold medicine bullshit. I need actual drugs. And by gawd, I'm going to get some. Hopefully.

Hello? Is this thing on?

2011-10-21T11:18:00.002-05:00

Pssst.... Guess what? I'm still alive! Barely, but I'm here.

I've had the nastiest cold/flu/sinus infection/whatever for the last week. I'm still not well, but I'm as close as I'm going to get this week.

So. Bottom line. I'll be back next week.

SJ Thursday.

2011-10-13T15:10:00.000-05:00

Because this baby is sitting up like a big girl!!

Weekend Recap.

2011-10-10T12:54:00.001-05:00

So. It's a reeeeally good thing the Saints won yesterday. I'm a reeeeally sore loser. It would have been terrible for the Saints to lose yesterday to the Panthers. IN Panthers stadium. With me in attendance. In Saints gear. I woulda been hot. And not just because we sat directly in the sun for hours (which resulted in a nice little cap sleeve farmers tan for me). Pissed, I tell you. Pissed.

I flew to Charlotte Friday for another fabulous weekend with Bob. As soon as I landed, we drove west to his Grandpa's so I could meet him for the first time. Yikes! I was super nervous and it didn't help that Bob's immediate family (SJ's Mom, their Dad, and Stepmom) all wished me good luck. Good luck with what?!

We took him to dinner and made polite conversation for a while. Personally, I never shut up (just ask my Daddy...), and I'm usually really good at getting other people to talk too. Grandpa took a while to warm up. But once I finally got him talking, he didn't shut up, which made me reeeally like him. During one point in the conversation, Bob asked, "Is Lucille what you thought she'd be?" Grandpa responded (straight faced), "No. I thought she'd be taller. And blonde." Which we later found out may have been a smidge of a lie considering Bob's dad had already told Grandpa that I was brunette. Oh well. It made for a funny/awkward/silencing moment at the table. And trust me, it's hard to silence me.

Saturday we had lunch with a friend, watched football, and Bob made some really awesome gumbo. (Yes, Carly. You read that correctly. Bob made it. I was super impressed.) Sunday we tailgated, went to the game, and hung out with friends.

Like I said, it would have been horrible for the Saints to lose, especially with me in this super cute shirt!! Since you can't see my other boob (and the rest of the shirt), there is a football with a gold fleur de lis inside. I heart Saints football :)

SJ Thursday

2011-10-06T18:58:00.000-05:00

Because I've spent the last two days at the most boring health fair ever and definitely needed a pick-me-up. Because I came home to a mailbox full of goodies- SJ pics and two of the best mix cd's that were ever created. Because SJ's Mom is the most thoughtful and most awesome-est future sister in law a girl could possibly have. Because these two girls now have such a big place in my heart! Love them :)

The Fighting Snuffleupagii

2011-10-04T12:06:00.000-05:00

So this year Bob convinced me to participate in fantasy football. In the past, my feeble little brain could not grasp the concept of fantasy anything. After numerous explanations from him, MG, and approximately 15 other humans (all of the penis variety), I finally understand just enough to get by.

But wait! I'm doin' way better than "just getting by." My team, The Fighting Snuffleupagii, is UNDEFEATED! Oh yeah. 4-0, baby!

So in honor of my undefeated Snuffleupagii, I give you this:

Weekend Recap.

2011-10-03T20:22:00.000-05:00

Holy balls. Do you realize what's happening right now? It's a Weekend Recap. On a Monday. I'm kind of almost on time with this post!

SJ's Mom told me that I have a blogging pattern. I'm a sporadic blogger. That's my pattern. I'm trying to fix this and become regular again. Too bad I can't just take some Metamucil to assist...

Tangent time- when I was a little kid, I went to after school care at my school. We were, ahem, unsupervised for a large percentage of the time. Sooo. We'd sneak into the elementary teacher's lounge and drink/eat spoonfuls of their Metamucil. We were delinquents. Pure delinquents, I tell you.

So this weekend, Mom and Bob both came to Little Rock. We had an insanely relaxing weekend. No alarm clocks. No schedule. No plans. Amazing. We went to the Food Truck Festival early Saturday afternoon. We did a little shopping, Bob went to the Apple store, I introduced my Mother to Charming Charlie's. I hit up DSW in search of camel colored boots. They had none. I was not impressed. However, I did realize that I always pick out the same boots at DSW each time I go. It takes me a full few minutes to realize I already have them in my closet. I better never go there intoxicated or I'll come home with ANOTHER pair of my favorite boots. That would be tragic indeed.

Yesterday we watched football. Lots and lots of football. And here's a pic to prove our fan-hood. We're going to be in bad shape next week when the Saints play the Panthers. Ya'll just hope and wish the Saints win. I'm a sore loser :)

Weekend Preview

2011-09-30T10:51:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I missed the Second Annual World Cheese Dip Championship. I got to see Bob in Charlotte, but I missed the cheese here. Lots of the cheese. If possible, I'm going to try to come back for it next year. If possible.

This weekend, however, my rear end is firmly planted in Little Rock (with Mom and Bob here too). And we'll be attending the First Annual Main Street Food Truck Festival. I. am. excited. I love food trucks, and I think it's oh so cool that Little Rock is supporting these local businesses.

So all you LR peeps, it's tomorrow from 11am-7pm in the 300-700 blocks of Main Street. We'll see you down there!

SJ Thursday

2011-09-29T10:44:00.001-05:00

Because it's not even 11am yet and my day already is kinda sucky. Because I'm not too upset about it. Because SJ has bad days too. Because she's just as cute fussy as she is happy!

My confession.

2011-09-28T18:01:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry, ya'll. I have to tell you... I'm cheating on you. With Pinterest. A lot. I may be slightly obsessed. I can't help it. There may come a point in the near future when I have to step away for a day. A FULL DAY. Gah. Perish the thought. So. Let me just catch you up on my life. Last weekend I went to Charlotte to see Bob. We hung out, bought living room furniture, killed my new sunglasses and I test drove a car (more on these later), we tailgated for the Carolina game, and hung out with friends. It was amazing.So about this car situation. I test drove a Mini Cooper. And I'm in love. I need. I want. I. must. have. one. The car happened to be a standard, which I cannot drive. So what did we do? Erick the fabulous car salesman drove me to the back parking lot and taught me how to drive it. He said he could do it under 20 minutes. He did it in 6. Or rather I did. I was/am super proud of myself for learning to drive a stick shift! Yay! Now, on to finding the color I want.And about this sunglasses situation. I was just finishing up with a pedicure and was sitting under the lamp. I leaned forward and my brand new Ray Bans fell out of my shirt (where they were hanging on the collar), and shattered. WAHHHHH! Dude. Bummed. Since I was within my 90 days of purchase, I was able to get some new ones for half off, but gah. What a racket Ray Ban has on those glasses. No replacement lens? Crap.We're elbow deep in wedding planning also. We booked our venue, designed the save the dates, and are looking at photographers and honeymoons. It's a little freight train ish, but I'm excited. I'm ready to get married, move to Charlotte, and be Bob's wife. It just makes me smile to even think about. So. Now you're all caught up and ready for SJ Thursday tomorrow.

Thoughtless Thursday.

2011-09-22T08:54:00.000-05:00

Because I get to see Bob today. Squeeeee!And now. For your SJ pic of the week...

Weekend Recap.

2011-09-20T10:24:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a blur. It never even entered my mind that I should be bloggin'.

So this past weekend was awesome. Me and Bob met in Memphis Friday evening. The purpose of our trip was to pick a venue for our wedding. We had two places to go see and then the rest of the time was meant for relaxing, hanging with his Dad (who ended up going home to Atlanta at the last minute), going to eat with friends, whatever.

We didn't realize it was the Memphis Airshow weekend. So we ended up hanging out at the Millington airport, seeing the show (which included the Blue Angels), and playing with friends of his Dad on Saturday. Sunday we slept in, watched football, and drove back to Little Rock.

It was a fun, easy, laid back, productive weekend. I'm starting to get used to these.

This is boring.

2011-09-16T12:21:00.005-05:00

So how'd you like that Thoughtless Thursday post? It was totally and completely devoid of thought. Almost invisible it was so empty. Yeah, yeah. I know. I didn't have time yesterday. Leave me alone. I'll post a SJ pic today anyway.

I don't think I really have anything earth shattering to blog about. I went to Panera yesterday for lunch and finally found something on the menu I love. Frontega Chicken Panini. I love a good, cheesy panini.

Um. That's about it. Yeah. Me and Bob are in full wedding planning mode, but honestly, I'm so much more excited about the marriage than the wedding. Don't get me wrong. I'm excited about the wedding, but it's the after part, the rest of it that I'm most looking forward to.

Wanna see my future niece? I'm thinking she'll be a cheerleader like Aunt Candi (me). What do ya'll think? I mean, cute, stylish (gotta love the tunic and tights she's rocking), and so sweet. Yeah. She's my favorite!

An explanation: The Vibrator

2011-09-14T11:38:00.005-05:00

A few weeks ago in a sappy sentimental post, I referenced my high school car: The Vibrator. I can think of two exceedingly embarrassing moments during those years. The first was the white pants incident. This is the second...

One afternoon sophomore year, I was in the parking lot after school talking to one of my best friends and her little brother before we all went home. My car, a 1988 hand-me-down Camry, courtesy of my Mother, was running while I was standing inside the open door.

I don't remember what we were talking about, but I do remember Brent (her little brother), yelling, "Look at the door! It's a vibrator!" Oh em gee. Of course, the "it's a vibrator" portion of that sentence was 17 octaves higher than anything else Brent had EVER said out loud. Ever. Pure mortification. Omg. A full parking lot, after school, with Seniors and everyone within earshot. Brent yells about a vibrator in my car. Gah. Scarred for life.

This is sappy. You've been adequately warned.

2011-09-13T16:25:00.004-05:00

Yesterday morning I took a great friend some treats for his birthday (that was in July... I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for his present being two months late... ahem). He's the kind of friend who is more surrogate dad than buddy. His semi-advanced age (66) could have something to do with that.

Anyway, he gave me the best compliment I've heard in a while. "Lucille, it makes me so excited to see you so happy. I don't know how he's done it, but you look even prettier now that you're so happy in love."

I spend most days shocked and amazed that I'm going to marry my best friend from college. Over and over in my mind, I just think, "Omg. It's him. I can't believe it's him." Part of me hates the fact that it took us (me) so long to realize how our story would play out. But the other part of me knows I wasn't ready for this any sooner than now. I am so thankful that he has been patient enough to wait for me all these years. It literally makes me so happy I could cry. And I do. I told ya'll this was going to be sappy...

So next year, I'm going to marry the boy who is and has been, my best friend. The boy I met June 1, 2002, as he moved into the apartment across the hall from me. The boy who was my "date" to dinners and family functions and school banquets during college. The boy who watched all my favorite movies with me without complaint and took me to my favorite restaurants for special occasions and just because. The boy who patiently waited for me to wake up and realize what everyone (including our families) already knew. The boy who will be my husband.

Weekend Recap.

2011-09-12T14:34:00.002-05:00

This weekend was... different. Bob had some flying to do, so this was our first weekend apart since June. It was weird. I didn't like it. I got a ton of stuff done, but I missed him terribly, horribly, excruciatingly bad. But as of right now, I get to see him Friday. As of now.

So back to this weekend. I didn't do a whole lot. Dinner at Juanitas and a field trip to Community Bakery with Leslie on Friday night. Wedding dress shopping with Ashley on Saturday afternoon (squeeeee!!) and True Blood catch up time with Abigail Saturday night. Yesterday I went to the gym for some cardio, did a Pilates workout, and did 147 loads of laundry until Abigail came over for the True Blood season finale. Tangent time: Do ya'll watch True Blood? I was NOT impressed with the season ending last night. Not impressed at all. I know some of you peeps DVR, so I won't spoil, but gah. Not impressed.

Anyhoo. So this weekend I accomplished the following: hang time with most of my girlfriends in Little Rock, picked out a wedding dress (squeeee!), cleaned my closet-sized apartment, washed every dirty item in said apartment (dishes, linens, clothes, floors, everything), and missed Bob a whole lot.

Hopefully our wedding-planning-filled upcoming weekend will be fabulous.

Judgment gone wrong.

2011-09-09T11:04:00.003-05:00

Do you ever meet people and assume they're older than you... just because they're taller?

I do this. And I am genuinely shocked when I find out they're either my age or (gasp!) younger.

I met a new employee this morning who was taller, uh, fuller, and had more lines around her eyeballs than I do. She's 28. I was shocked.

I'm such a terrible judge of age.

Thoughtless Thursday.

2011-09-08T17:24:00.008-05:00

Because today is my sweet future sister in law's very first ever Pampered Chef open house! Because I'm so excited for her new venture. Because sweet little miss SJ is getting tired of her Mama taking her picture all day, every day and is ready for her Mama to be busy doing something else. (Just kiddin', Carly... kinda).

If you know me in real life and need a Pampered Chef hook up, let me know! We can get you a party or an order form... stat!

One of my favorite pics (to date) of Sarah Jane... She's like, "Hey peeps. Welcome to my room. Come on in and chill yo'."

I'm considering turning Thoughtless Thursday into S.J. Thursday. That would be so easy considering how freaking cute that child is.

Wordsmith.

2011-09-06T15:55:00.004-05:00

One of my Mom's friends and I often share funny misquotes, misspellings, and mispronunciations with each other. We like to hear/see people use the wrong word entirely. We like it when a word is misspelled so badly that it becomes another one all together. We also like when two words are mixed up, jumbled, put together. If I think about, I'll start a list of our favorites.

On my daily drive home, I pass the Pipe and Tube Supply. In my brain, this becomes Pube Supply.

I'm officially one of the people we make fun of. Nice, huh?

Weekend Recap.

2011-09-05T10:15:00.003-05:00

Do you ever go go go so much that you forget how relaxing weekends are supposed to be? Apparently I had forgotten, until this one. Bob and I met up in Mississippi and spent the weekend at his sister's house with her (Carly), her husband (Frank) and their baby (SJ).

It was great to go somewhere and just relax. They didn't expect us to go see anything or go do anything or wake up and be somewhere at a certain time. It was awesome. Plus, I had many many many uninterrupted hours to just sit and love on SJ. She's so freaking adorable. And she was even more adorable when someone else changed her poopy diaper. I only had to deal with the clean-ish ones, which makes me love her even more. She must know her Aunt Candi can't/doesn't handle poop well.

A rare photo for you, mainly because SJ is too cute not be on this blog...

Masters of illusion.

2011-09-02T10:37:00.006-05:00

In today's edition of things I don't understand, we will discuss.... hair rollers in public. Mainly because of the woman I just saw at Walgreens. This is how life works. You see something that gets you thinking, wanting answers, and so you put it out there. To the world. Hoping for a logical explanation.

So. I'm not one to use hair curlers (although I did have multiple sets of hot pink foam ones for my entire childhood and adolescence), but I'd assume those ladies who do use them are like me- they want their hair done for when they go out in public so the public can see their pretty hair. In public. I mean, that's the point right? So other people can appreciate your hair? I mean, if you didn't care what people thought, would you curl your hair at all? Or would you just let it be wild and crazy or flat and limp and be fine with it?

So what exactly is the point of wearing said curlers in public. So we can see your effort and appreciate it more? In my opinion, it loses something if I see the process. I want to assume your hair is naturally wavy and voluminous. That you aren't like me and struggle to make your fine, limp hair appear to have body. No, I don't want to see your curlers in public. And neither does the rest of public. Trust me, I've asked.

Thoughtless Thursday.

2011-09-01T10:51:00.003-05:00

Because I went to a new expert bone doctor yesterday and had another bone density done on his machine. Because I DON'T HAVE OSTEOPOROSIS. Because my GP's machine is a piece of shit. Because after a full year of worry, stress, and unnecessary panic, I can now relax. Because my bones aren't going to stop me from having babies! Wah hooooo!

Yes, I know...

2011-08-30T11:25:00.004-05:00

Mmkay. So. I woke up to emails this morning. Lots of emails. Both good and questionable.

Yes, I know Bob and I have only been dating for 2 months. Yes, I know we've been close friends for 9 years and yes, I know dating/getting married is different than being friends. Yes, I know this seems sudden and yes, I know it appears that "something must have been going on for longer than two months" even though it wasn't. Yes, I know I used to be one of those people who thought couples who moved this quickly were insane. Yes, I know it doesn't matter what other people think as long as we're happy. Yes, I know I'm getting a second chance and yes, I'm extremely grateful for it. Yes, I feel like everything finally makes sense and I'm where I'm supposed to be.

There was a day in late June (the 26th in fact) when everything just clicked. Everything fell into place. Everything finally felt right.

So. I appreciate your concern and your well wishes... equally. So. Can we talk about wedding planning now?!

Weekend Recap: HOLY CRAP Edition.

2011-08-29T10:44:00.006-05:00

Mondays are so hard, especially after weekends like the one I just had.

I got to Hometown Friday evening and drove straight over to Monroe to get Bob from the airport. We hung out in Monroe for a while with some of his family and then headed to MP and Pa's house. Exciting Friday night, huh?

Saturday morning we ran errands, we went to lunch with BOTH my parents (at the same time) and Brother Little, we (I) test drove a new car, then we went by "our" old house (where we had neighboring apartments in college). We got out, walked around, went up on the porch, and then I peeked up the stairs... Only to turn around and find Bob down on one knee. HOLY CRAP! I forgot how to talk, nearly passed out, and had to sit down. Somewhere in all that I nodded yes. Once I could take a few steps, we walked (I stumbled) out and sat on the porch so I could regain some composure and FINALLY say yes! Sooo. I have new jewelry! It was his Grandmothers... so gorgeous and so very special!

Then to celebrate, we went to the best Batman themed 3rd birthday party this side of the Mississippi. My "nephew" who, according to him, has a new baby grill in his Mom's belly, loved his party.

Every weekend since June 26, I've thought, "Man, that was the best weekend ever!" And then the very next weekend, it's even better. What a great life!

Nipples, sperm, and penis candles! OH MY!

2011-08-26T10:25:00.008-05:00

If I wait and post this next week, I'll forget about it and you people HAVE to see this.

Our gym members frequently bring the front desk staff goodies... cookies, cupcakes, muffins. However, what was brought in this morning "took the cake."

A half-eaten birthday cake complete with icing nipples and sperm and penis candles. WTF? A) Why a birthday cake like this (Bachelorette party...sure. Birthday...eh.)? B) Why bring it in half eaten? C) Nipples, sperm, and penis candles? Uhhhh....

**Update**- Those aren't sperm. It's chest hair. And the bottom half of that cake had a penis. A 3 dimensional chocolate penis. Ye-ah.

Sunshine and livestock.

2011-08-26T08:09:00.005-05:00

So I had planned to have a full on rant this morning, but our weather is gorgeous (71, sunny, no humidity!) and I'm in a good mood. I'm still going to rant, but it's going to be a subdued version of what it was going to be.

This is college week on Wheel of Fortune and last night there were students from Alabama, LSU, and Ar-kansas. (Now I don't typically watch WoF, but I was doing cardio and that's what was on the television.) In the opening scene when they go around and the participants give some cute little speech about themselves, the fool from Ar-kansas... CALLED THE DAMN HOGS.

I KNOW ya'll have heard this shit before, right? The arm raising, the spirit fingers, the woo pig sooie? If not, you must see this spectacle. Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Thank gawd the kid of WoF last night only did one round instead of the usual three.

In honor of Ethel... holy fucking shitballs. These people get more excited than Muh-lissa on JESUS' BIRTHDAY, gah!

Thoughtless Thursday.

2011-08-25T15:59:00.002-05:00

Because I'm so freaking ready for this week to end. Because this weekend is my favorite Batman-obsessed three year olds birthday party. Because I spent 35 minutes buying Toys-R-Us out of every Batman-related item I could find. Because I can't wait to see his sweet little face when he opens his gifts. Squeeee!

Hairless and happy. Kinda.

2011-08-23T14:11:00.004-05:00

When I was in junior high, one set of grandparents lived in Florida. We used to go visit every summer and every summer without fail, I'd burn my little ass off. Not literally, but something weird did happen.

One year, I got a particularly hideous sunburn on my legs. I was lying down, so the burn wasn't just the tops of my legs. It kind of wrapped around my calves.

So now, some 15+ years later, I have what appears to be a permanent faint tan line there. It's a visible line going down the inside of my calves. And leg hair doesn't grow there. On either leg. Where that sunburn was.

So weird. Random fact of the day. You're welcome.

Weekend Recap.

2011-08-22T12:48:00.005-05:00

So I recovered from my sickness last week just in time for Bob's arrival in Little Rock. I was (am) still rocking a little ear stoppage, but nothing too big.

Saturday was my annual work canoe trip. Instead of staying relatively close to home, we went up to the Spring River this year. And by Spring River, I mean we went to Missouri. Why stay close to home when you can float south from one state into another?

The first half of the float was rather uneventful, but the second half... that's another story. One of the girls on the trip (NOT ME, not my employee, but one from another location), decided to follow the boys, climb a tree, and jump into the river. Except she went feet first and broke both heels, one of which was a compound fracture. Yikes, right? Upon seeing the bone sticking out of her foot, I promptly blacked out. Thank gawd everyone's attention was focused on her, so only Bob realized when/why I flopped backwards out of control. Anyway, I was fine. She, was not. After being airlifted to Little Rock, yesterday she underwent the first of many surgeries. She has a long recovery ahead of her, but she's a tough little chick. She'll do just fine.

Our Sunday was good as well. We made a flying run to Waffle House and then saw 30 Minutes or Less. If you like Zombieland, then you'll like 30 Minutes. It had some pretty awesome one liners and we both laughed like 14 year olds.

I did a litle bridesmaids dress shopping yesterday afternoon with Ashley, then me and Bob rounded out our West Little Rock excursion with some Outback cheesefries. Ya'll know how much I love those... so does he. Match made in heaven.

Thoughtless Thursday.

2011-08-18T13:13:00.003-05:00

Because I'm still freaking sick, but feeling marginally better. Because I made my Mamaw's chicken and dumplings last night (which always help) and immediately fell asleep afterward. Because rolling out flour is exhausting and I had zero energy anyway. Because the finished product is always worth it... burnt tongue and all (my patience was thin, especially after my nap, and simmering sucks).

20 Questions.

2011-08-17T11:11:00.001-05:00

I'm still sick.

Instead of an actual post, go here.

Play amongst yourselves.

Bleh.

2011-08-16T11:08:00.003-05:00

Story time.

Dear sore throat/earache/headache,

You suck.

The end.

Weekend Recap.

2011-08-15T10:34:00.002-05:00

It was a long, short, great, wonderful, fun-filled, stress-free weekend.

Bob arrived Friday afternoon. We had dinner with JS and Mrs S. at Tazikis, which is my new favorite place. LR peeps- if you like Greek food, go. It's amazing.

Saturday morning we drove up to Greers Ferry to hang out on the lake with some friends. I, armed with only a McDons hashbrown for breakfast (an hour earlier), downed a fairly strong peach vodka/sprite and starting throwing up approximately 1 hour later. It was fabulous. I haven't gotten sick on a boat since I was a kid, so I'm thinking it was more the alcohol/lack of food than actual seasickness. Bob, however, believes it was the water aspect and is seriously reconsidering our St. Thomas trip (where we were supposed to stay on a boat)... Yikes!

Anyhoo, I lived (barely) and we came back to Little Rock to watch a great friend compete in a bodybuilding show that night. He rocked it and won his age division (65 and older)!

Sunday we had brunch, ran errands like an old married couple, and caught a Travs game with some friends. The weather was perfect and the Travs actually won.

I'm now in the process of booking a flight to Vegas for a bachelorette party weekend (not mine... a friend's :) and wondering when/if my life will slow down again. It's not looking promising. At all. Good thing I'm enjoying it!

Lemons and apples.

2011-08-12T09:50:00.003-05:00

Mornin' peeps. Sorry for inflicting my mini-meltdown on ya'll yesterday. It was just a bad day all around. None of that making lemonade out of lemons bullshit. If I'd had lemons yesterday, I would have hurled them at certain people. And hard. So hard it would have flipped them over. I'm partially better today. I'm hoping I'll be tons better today around 3:50 when I retrieve someone from the airport.

Last night I finished reading Sarah Addison Allen's, Garden Spells. In the book, there's a "magic" apple tree that has a mind of it's own. The apples from this tree, when eaten, show a person what the biggest event in their life will be, whether it's good or bad. Some people see their death. Others see their soulmate.

If you had that tree, would you eat an apple?

Thoughtless Thursday.

2011-08-11T11:06:00.004-05:00

Because sometimes real grown up life sucks. Because sometimes one conversation can change things. Because sometimes everything isn't as perfect as you thought. Because some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue.

Continuing on...

2011-08-10T11:58:00.004-05:00

Here are some more things I don't understand and/or aggravate me (in no particular order):

1. People who throw themselves a baby shower.
2. People who throw themselves a baby shower for their THIRD daughter.
3. People who don't pull over for funeral processions.
4. People who honk at other people pulled over for funeral processions.
5. People who take pictures of car accidents.
6. People who take pictures and videos of car accidents and post them on facebook.

That's all for now. Just needed to bitch real quick.

Confusion and clarity.

2011-08-09T14:16:00.004-05:00

There's really no need for a weekend recap. I did nothing. I sat at MP and Pa's house in Hometown. When I wasn't sitting, I was eating. When I wasn't eating, I was sleeping/napping.

So instead, let's talk about something I don't understand.

Extreme couponing. Why? I have friends who do this and then post pictures of their loot on facebook. One day, I asked one of them... "Do you use all that stuff? And before it goes bad?"

Her response: No. I don't. Most of the stuff I just buy because I can get it cheap.

Pray tell... WTF IS THE POINT OF THAT?!

I'm on my money saving kick right now and I absolutely do not understand purchasing a bunch of shit you don't need OR want. It's like monogrammed wedding favors. What's the point? Your guests will throw them away as soon as they get home. Why give them some cheap piece of shit? If you're going to give a favor, give something good. Like a cookie. Or a petit four. Or a mini bottle of alcohol.

Thoughtless Thursday: Friday Edition. Kinda.

2011-08-05T09:59:00.004-05:00

So. Yesterday was ridiculous busy, so you didn't get a thoughtless Thursday post. Sorry peeps. Lemme tell you what I crammed into a 24 hour period:

Work: I worked on a 3,094 line excel sheet of membership mistakes for a majority of the day. This was on top of my regular daily cleaning, admin junk, and paperwork to do.

Fun: Lacey asked for help with Kade's birthday party invitations. So I spent a LOT of time designing batman inspired paper products. I love being creative so this was my "downtime."

Food: Lunch with a girlfriend at the coffee shop down the street. Dinner with one of Bob's boyfriends who is currently in Little Rock for pilot training. Bob introduced us the last time he was here. That was when Matt and I discovered our mutual love of Copelands. Having no one else to go with, we had a dinner date.

Play: Bob flew into Little Rock last night en route to California and continued on his way this morning. I've now decided... I love layovers.

The M word. Bleh.

2011-08-03T10:14:00.004-05:00

I H.A.T.E. talking about money. I hate saying how much I have or don't have. I hate the implications that having it or not having it brings. I hate the assumptions that people make about incomes and expenditures.

I'm way out of my comfort zone with this blog, but I'm proud of myself at the same time. Those feelings are meeting in the middle and the result is this post.

If you've never been through it before, going from two incomes to one is an extremely difficult change to make. Sadly (at the ripe old age of 30), I've never really been on a strict budget... until now.

I've readjusted my spending. I've put myself on a budget and more importantly, I've stuck with it. I've opened (yet another) savings account that has been set up with automatic transfers from my checking. I'm learning what I need and don't need and how to make smart purchases, even if I don't get instant gratification.

I had an AH HA! moment yesterday as far as my spending is concerned. I have a list of books I want to read. Instead of going to Barnes and Noble and plucking them directly off the shelves, I ordered them from half.com. This may not seem big to you, but it's huge for me. If there's something I want, I find a way to get it and I'm terrible at waiting for it once I've decided I want it.

So. As I said, it may seem like a nothing, common sense thing to others, but I'm extremely proud of myself for my restraint yesterday. You may go ahead and assume I'm spoiled/don't know how to manage money/don't make a lot... whatever. I don't care. I'm FINALLY doing what I need to do to manage on my own. And I'm damn proud of it.

Pinterest = OCD dream.

2011-08-02T18:09:00.004-05:00

I have a new obsession. If you're anal, overly organized, and/or scour the interwebs for various items/pictures/ideas, get yourself over to pinterest. You'll love.

Weekend Recap: Confirmation Edition.

2011-08-01T16:21:00.006-05:00

Since my weekend started Thursday, we'll pick up from there...

I went to see Bob this weekend and we had a one-dorful time. It was essentially a plan-free four days, but we ended up busy... around meal times. Of course. I do love to eat. And so does he. Match made in heaven. I met most of the important people in Bob's life (in Charlotte), his good friends, his neighbors, his friend's neighbors and his neighbor's friends. Basically all of Charlotte. Or at least it felt like it.

In case you don't have excellent deductive reasoning skills, Bob and I are finally more than just friends. And it only took 9 years to happen. We move quickly, huh? In the last month, we've been reintroduced to important family members (and the not always present or accounted for distant cousins) and we've been reintroduced to each other.

It's been a phenomenal month and I can't wait to see what happens in the months to come. Don't worry. You'll read all about it.

I'm me.

2011-07-27T10:03:00.009-05:00

I've always loved the quote, "People don't change; they become more of who they really are."

In high school, I was an innocent, silly, goofy, girl who was friends with just about everyone. I was the cheerleader who tied a balloon around her waist and skipped around school with it all day. I was the sister (at age 16) who played racecars with her Brother Little in the middle of the living room floor. I was the daughter who always had open lines of communication with her parents, told them everything, and asked their opinions on how to handle life. I was the friend who usually drove everyone else around (how/why our parents allowed that, I'll never know) in my "vibrator" (story to come later).

I've always looked back on that phase of life as my happiest. Yes, I had teenage angst. I liked boys who didn't like me. I had arguments with my best friends over trivial crap like which movie to go see. I had pimples that I thought everyone noticed upon first glance. I had a curfew that I didn't agree with. I received many "come to jesus" talks about my telephone usage, both landline and my cellular bag phone (that took up the entire backseat floorboard of my Camry). I worried about my grades and I was so anal about the ACT's that I took the test 6 times in two years. Even through all that, I know I was me. I was true to who I was. I still cared what people thought to an extent, but I generally did what I felt was right... for me. My favorite tshirt was one with 11 blue fish swimming one direction and 1 red fish swimming against them that said, "It's okay to be different."

I can't say the same about the bulk of my 20's. I don't feel like I was me during those years. Looking back, it seems like I was trying to be who/what other people thought I should be. And I was miserable.

I made the decision that I didn't want to turn 30 and be unhappy. I made changes in my life to help me get back on the road to being me. To being happy.

And now? Without even trying or forcing any emotions, I feel like that cheerleader skipping across campus on a sunny day. I finally feel like me again. And I couldn't be happier.

Changes.

2011-07-26T16:40:00.006-05:00

I recently had a conversation with a friend about how the tone of this blog has changed over time. Sometimes I'll pick a random label and go back and read those previous posts. In reading those old entries, I can see how I've changed, how my relationships have changed, and how my outlook on life has changed... whether for the good or bad.

There are been ups and down. Depressions and clouds. I can see friendships that have come and gone and friendships that have strengthened over the past couple of years.

When I started this blog, I never really thought about how long I would keep it going or what I would discuss on here. I never set out with a certain tone or subject. I certainly didn't expect to be able look back and see how drastically my life has changed since that first post in January 2009. This is my 599th post. Holy balls.

So. You people who have been reading my bullshit, thanks for sticking around. And I'll warn you... the tone is probably going to change again soon. And it'll be happy for the most part. Floaty, gushy, sappy, happy. We have to start the next 600 off with a bang. Sorry in advance...

Occasion.

2011-07-23T10:52:00.004-05:00

When I was a kid, we always had a summer membership to my school's swimming pool. My Daddy, being the mean, horrible, no fun parent that he was, refused to put a pool in our backyard. It was one of those, "Lucille, you say you'll take care of it, but I'll end up doing all the work. No." He was probably right. So we ended up at the school pool every summer, much to my supreme dismay. Once we got there, I got over my disappointment of being at the school pool instead of my own back yard. The school pool sold slushies. Cherry and lime, if I'm not mistaken.

Also with a pool membership, was a family with 8 children. 8. Yes. 8. And they all came to the pool together. I'm not positive of their ages, but I'd assume there was probably a 10 year span between the oldest and youngest. Their sheer number and non-existent age gaps were not what made this family stand out.

If you took the first letter of each of their names, it spelled out Occasion. And in that order, if I remember correctly.

For some reason, I end up thinking about those kids every summer and wonder where the hell they ended up. I'd like to think they're all living in the same town, buying a summer membership to a neighborhood pool. All 8 of them, with their spouses and children in tow, rolling up to some random swimming spot... on occasion.

Thoughtless Thursday.

2011-07-21T16:59:00.003-05:00

Because the following conversation happened in my office today. Because this is how we roll at work.

MG: How awesome would it be to have a baby elephant running around your house? You could, like, take it out on a leash!

Jason: (making an elephant honking noise and waving his arm like a trunk) Like a shetland elephant?

MG: Dooood. That would be awesome!

It's me again.

2011-07-20T12:02:00.003-05:00

Harro peeps! I'm still alive. Distracted and busy, but still here.

The weekend was amazing. This week has been incredible. Now you're caught up just in time for Thoughtless Thursday.

You're welcome.

Thoughtless Thursday.

2011-07-14T10:23:00.004-05:00

Because I've been grinning non-stop for the last three weeks and my face hurts. Because it seems like someone really has slipped me happy pills. Because I love that feeling.

Psssst! Your customer service is showing.

2011-07-13T13:08:00.004-05:00

I have to brag on ATT. I know all utility companies can have issues with service. And I know all utility companies have idiots that work for them. However, it seems like ATT has above average employees and customer service.

Even though it's taken me a total of 5 hours to get my voicemail fixed on my cellular telephone, those 5 hours were a pleasant experience. In the end, they just replaced my phone with a brand new one.

Ever since that one incident a few years ago (after I realized we didn't get AMC, which has now been corrected), I've been extremely pleased with ATT. I like.

Oh the places you'll go. Over and over and over again.

2011-07-12T14:15:00.006-05:00

Can we talk about something I don't understand, please? I know that everyone and their Mama (including mine) does this, but I just don't get it. And they do it often. And this time of year it's at an all time high.

I'm talking about posting vacation pictures on facebook. I understand pictures with people in them... I don't understand random scenery shots. And nine times out of ten, people post shots of things/places everyone has seen or been. I don't particularly care to see 9,000 pics of the beach and water. I don't care about a random shot of the Golden Gate Bridge or Times Square. I don't care about what you had for dessert.

If it's one of you shoving ice cream in your face and you look ridiculous, that's different. If it's one of your dad/brother/cousin getting knocked over by a wave on the beach, that's different. If it's one of some random undiscovered African village in the middle of the jungle, that's different.

I lose patience with these things. Please forgive my bitching.

Weekend Recap.

2011-07-11T12:44:00.005-05:00

I read the following sentence this morning in the book, The Peach Keeper: "Happiness means taking risks. And if you're not a little scared, you're not doing it right." That pretty much sums up my life right now.

Saturday morning I flew to Atlanta to hang out with Bob. We had an early dinner with his parents (where they told the waiter it was my birthday so all of Pappasitos saw me in a gigantor sombrero and bright ass red face), drove around (and got lost in Downtown...scary!), and had a great time.

Yesterday after a late breakfast, we spent the majority of the day trying to get me back to Little Rock. Holy balls. The Atlanta airport is ridiculous. After hanging out there for approximately 5ish hours, and running into my foot surgeon (AND getting a free waaay post-op check-up at the Delta gate... thanks, Doc), we gave up, drove to Charlotte, where we had a drink with a friend, slept for 4ish hours, and got me on a plane this morning. Whew.

The good thing about hanging out with a pilot is not having to say goodbye at security. He was able to get through and chill with me at my gate 'til I left. And good thing, because yesterday's excursion to Hartsfield-Jackson would have been torture if he hadn't been there to make fun of people with me.

Ridiculously short, but exceptionally long weekend. I like.

Uh, I'm with the band...

2011-07-08T12:21:00.004-05:00

Last Friday, Bob and I went out with Mom to her favorite bar in Hometown (the one where BL works). They typically have live music on Friday nights and this past weekend was no exception.

So anyway. There was a random 60ish year old white woman (remember this for later) that no one really knew also sitting at our patio table. She flirted shamelessly with Bob and even went so far as to tell him he "was so suave..." Hi-larious. As if his ego needed to get any bigger... She was crazy. Obvs.

At one point, she went inside to get a drink and had to pass by the table collecting cover charges to see the band. She didn't want to pay the cover, so she just told them she was the band's Mom. The (oblivious) kids at the money taking table said okay and let her pass.

Guess who was playing? A New Orleans jazz band. An all black New Orleans jazz band... Uh huh. Nice try, lady. Good thing those cover charge kids were drunk/high.

T. M. I.

2011-07-06T10:02:00.005-05:00

I don't wear skirts too often. Dresses? Yes. Pants? Yes. Skirts? Notsomuch. I don't have any particular reason for this. I just don't own a ton of skirts.

I realized this weekend (while wearing a cutie little denim skirt) that I unbuttoned it and pulled it down to use the restroom. Wouldn't it be easier to just hike it up?

This is weird. I am weird. And I know it.

Weekend Recap.

2011-07-05T11:55:00.006-05:00

I don't really have a whole lot to say about this past weekend. It was perfect. And easy. And comfortable. And has left me happy and floaty.

I went fishing with my Daddy and Bob, went to see Cars 2 with Lacey and Kade, helped MP celebrate her July 4 birthday, and got back to Little Rock last night just in time to cook dinner, make cookies, see a few fireworks, and settle in for the week.

Back to Saturday... every time I caught a fish, you'd think it was my first catch. Ever. Daddy let out a, "Whoooo! Look at my baby girl! Catch that fish, girl! My little girl is FISH...ING!" Can you tell I'm just a little bit of a Daddy's girl? Want to see what an expert fisherwoman looks like? Yes? Sorry. Here's one of me instead...

Thoughtless Thursday: Turtle Edition

2011-06-30T10:07:00.003-05:00

Because I saw a turtle playing golf this weekend. Wait, I said that wrong. The turtle wasn't playing golf. I was. And saw him on the course.

Because yesterday turtles shut down a runway at JFK.

Because all of a sudden, turtles are everywhere! And as my (hacked- we'll discuss later) facebook status said this morning, "I feel like a turtle because I get to where I should be eventually..."

Vision correction.

2011-06-29T00:12:00.003-05:00

So you know how sometimes you don't see something until you're ready?

How sometimes something can be right in your face for years, but you never really recognize it?

And then when you do finally see it, people come out of the freaking woodwork and say, "Yeah. I saw that all along. Sure took you long enough."

I'm there.

Rain of arc-ish proportions.

2011-06-28T10:41:00.006-05:00

Sooo. It started raining at approximately 9:25am this morning and the streets of downtown Little Rock were flooded by approximately 9:35am. I'd call that a little more than flash flooding, wouldn't you?

I don't know if I've ever told ya'll this or not, but I CANNOT stand to be wet. Bleh. Especially my feet. There is nothing nastier to me than a.) being wet in clothing that generally doesn't allow for it (like anything other than workout clothes or a swimsuit) and b.) having to wear wet socks/tennis shoes all day. Gross.

So what did I do this morning? I wore my red rubbah boots, of course. And what did my employees do? Make fun of me for wearing my red rubbah boots, of course. But at least my feet were dry!

As a result of all this torrential rainfall, my facebook this morning was filled with my bitching. One of my friends made the following comment after one of my posts, "Arkansas: where the weather is never half-assed. It can't be warm, its got to be solar. It can't be cool, its got to be subarctic. It can't rain, it must flood. A gentle breeze can't blow, we must have Tornadoes..... RE-DONK." Truer words were never spoken, friend.

Since I know ya'll appreciate mah red rubbah boots, here's a pic for you peeps. Like my workout capris with them? Oh yeah, baby. Fashion. plate.

Weekend Recap.

2011-06-27T16:07:00.006-05:00

Well kids. I ended up in Memphis.

Bob just got home from his last deployment and was in Memphis seeing his Dad. I went over to hang with them. We had tons of fun. I "played" golf yesterday (which means I drove the cart and hit the ball a couple of times when they forced me to) at some super cool course apparently. And I'd like ya'll to know, my driving skills are just as fabulous on a golf course as they are on a highway. However, it's probably a good thing Trooper Young wasn't around. He may not have agreed.

That's pretty much all we did. Went to eat with his Dad and friends a few times, went shopping to buy me closed toe shoes for the excursion to the club (What kind of dress code is that... no flip flops my ass. Bullshit, I tell you, pure bullshit), hung out with the two old ladies who live next door to his Dad. Super cool chicks!

Anyhoo. I'm a dork so we took an obligatory sign picture at the club. You know how when you're little and you travel to other states and your parents make you take pictures at the state line signs? Well my parents never did that, but my Mom's did that to her and the pictures are fabulous. Because of those, I've always loved sign pics in a cheeseball sort of way. So here's ours...

A me day.

2011-06-25T14:56:00.002-05:00

Slept late. Farmer's Market for fruit. Community Bakery for cookies. Pool time. Pedicure. Haircut. Drive to Memphis? I'll let you know on Monday...

Look into my eyes...

2011-06-24T12:46:00.003-05:00

In the past, I've been told that I'm a great listener. Truthfully, I'm really not at all. I tend to zone out, especially if someone talks for longer than 2 minutes straight. However, no matter where my brain happens to be, my eyeballs stay locked on their eyeballs. Not in a scary, creepy way, but a sweet "I'm really actually hearing you speak" gaze.

Because I do this and I'm aware of it, it drives me crazy when I have a conversation with someone and they refuse to look me in the eyeballs. Really? It just seems so disrespectful. It seems like they think I'm waaaay more intimidating than I actually am. It seems like they think I'll bite if they look straight at me. Even though most of you peeps can't confirm it, my real life name isn't Medusa. Promise.

Now, granted, I have some pretty cold hard stares that I can throw out when I'm pissy, but my generic facial expression isn't mean, especially when I'm talking.

So ya'll do me a favor, please. The next time you talk to someone, look at their eyeballs! I can't promise they won't bite, but I do promise you won't be turned to stone.

Love and basketball.

2011-06-22T13:37:00.006-05:00

So this weekend, me and BL had some time just to chill. You know, drink a little drink, smoke a little smoke...

Anyway, on this Father's Day weekend, we started realizing that neither one of us were what Daddy had hoped for as far as athleticism goes. He wanted gifted basketball players. He lived in Hometown when basketball was the in thing to do and love, when Karl Malone was a star, and Venus Lacy was the town darling. Poor Daddy... BL and I were both the third string in junior high basketball. Both of us. 7 years apart. Same school. Were both the sole person on our respective team's "third string."

BL went on to play football for a while and was phenomenal, until a kid twice his size laid him out cold on the field. Aaaaand thus the end of his football career, despite constant urging by his coaches. He took karate for a thousand years and is currently a third degree black belt, (right, Mom?). I took gymnastics, was a cheerleader, and ran cross country, none of which I participate in today (duh).

He played the guitar. I played the piano. We were fairly well-rounded kids; we had hobbies, did well in school, liked to read, but knew how to go play outside as well. Poor, poor Daddy. He saw karate tournaments, cross country meets, cheerleading competitions, piano and guitar recitals, but no basketball games where he could claim a participant.

His only hope at this point is a non-existent (not yet even planned) grandchild who may or may not be gifted with the height that runs in his family (a feature that completely skipped me...). Oh well. We can't all be Karl Malone's kids, who by the way, will NOT be the third string at that same school BL and I went to... They'll actually play, so Daddy can just to watch them, right?!

Overheard: How to become a ho.

2011-06-21T20:13:00.004-05:00

Because I know ya'll appreciate my eavesdropping as much as anyone...

Today at the gym I overheard:

"Nah. I don't want to exercise. I don't need to lose no weight. If I lose weight and get skinny, I might become a ho."

As a friend of mine said, "So the only thing standing between her being a ho is one good flu season?" Indeed...

Napkin usage: An exercise in restraint?

2011-06-21T12:41:00.004-05:00

Poll question- When dining in an establishment where you're allowed to procure your own paper napkins (lets just say at Moe's for argument's sake), how many napkins do you take?

I take 8. I know that may seem like a lot, but I have a perfectly reasonable explanation. I typically go to lunch with MG when we're both available and we typically end up at Moes at least once a week. After getting our food, he usually gets our table, I get our drinks, lids, straws, forks, salt, and napkins. 8 of them. I use 4 (one for each leg, one to tuck under my basket, and one for my hands). I use one to wipe off the table. He gets three. That's reasonable, right?

When eatin' at them fan-ceeee places where they wrap the sporks and such in the na'kin, I make do with one. I don't like it, but I deal. When at home, I typically use three (if not 4) select-a-size panels.

Is this weird? I always just like to make sure I'm not going to get messy or be in need of a napkin and not have one. It's an illogical fear, I suppose. Oh well. At least I'm always prepared.

Hey Listen... AMEN!

2011-06-20T14:25:00.003-05:00

Hey listen! Mmkay. So. My Daddy's Southern Baptist church has a new preacher. Amen? Disregarding all the drama that ensued before he was offered the job (which would take multiple blogs to discuss and recap), please allow me to tell you about his sermon yesterday. Amen?

Hey listen! Now ya'll know, I rarely go to church anymore. I go with the g'rents when I'm in Hometown or I go with Daddy on his birthday, Father's Day, and Christmas. Sometimes. Amen? Even though I don't go regularly, I still appreciate a good sermon. The pastor at g'rents church is phenomenal. Hey listen, if I had to choose a church to attend on a normal basis, it'd be theirs solely because that man knows how to deliver a level-headed, clear, concise, logical message. Amen?

Dad's new preacher, however, does not have this particular ability. Amen? Okay. So. Hey listen, yesterday was Father's Day. Having grown up going to church, you learn to expect certain messages on certain days. Hey listen, Mother's Day... something about Mom. Hey listen, Easter... something about Jesus rising. Hey listen, hey listen, Christmas... something about Jesus' birth. Hey listen, Father's Day... something about Dad? Oh no. Not this guy. Instead, he talked about aging. Why? Who knows. Hey listen, I mean, that's exactly what I wanted to think about on Father's Day... My Daddy aging and not being around forever. Awesome. Hey listen. Amen?

So over the course of this sermon, he blasted "medical science's" claim that they were helping people live longer (remember this for later). That's just blasphemy he said. Amen? The Good Lord helps people live longer, not medical science. If you believe in God, you'll live longer. Amen? Bottom line. No exception. Mmmkay. Fast forward 10 minutes... He's talking about his father in law, who is the recipient of a pace maker that has allowed him to live an additional 12 years! Uhhh...? Hey listen, he said that you don't necessarily need "medical science" to live a long life. You need God, vitamins, and exercise. You following this? If yes, you got more than I did. Amen?

Hey listen, he goes on to say vitamins, exercise, and God are the sole reasons for healthy lungs, for health skin, and for healthy bones. Amen? I promise you, there was an audible whishhhh of heads turning to look at me when he said healthy bones. Yep. Amen?

Hey listen, throughout this disjointed sermon about medical science, aging, and the like, he throws out that all women must be submissive to their husbands. Uh...? Amen? Wanna know what else he said? Wanna know what he said 78 times (not counting prayers)? Have you figured it out yet? Amen? This dude said "Amen" SEVENTY-EIGHT times during this 35 minute sermon (which made the entire service last until 12:25, and if ya'll know anything about Baptist churches, you know the entire congregation was pissed at this point... A-freaking-men?). And he always had an inflection in his voice as if he was asking a question. He also said "hey listen" 44 times. Among his other blunders, the word "unknowables" was thrown out. AND he mispronounced Ecclesiastes 6 times. Eee-clees-ash-tees. Amen?

Hey listen! If this blog seems incoherent and thrown together and doesn't make any sense, then I've accomplished what I set out to do... relay a sermon to you. Hey listen! You're welcome. Amen brother.

Weekend Recap.

2011-06-19T21:26:00.005-05:00

I'll keep this short and sweet, because I'm going to have a lot to discuss tomorrow.

Pa finally busted out of the hospital on Friday evening. We had a lazy Saturday (we both took 2 hour afternoon naps) and had a pretty low key Saturday night.

My post tomorrow is concerning church this morning... I'm saving this information for tomorrow because I still need time to collect my thoughts. And trust me, I have lots of thoughts about this morning's sermon.

Anyhoo. Pa is home. He and Daddy both had a great father's day. I am back home. Everything is good.

Why I may go to jail today.

2011-06-17T13:41:00.002-05:00

I let a co-worker use my computer this morning. Before allowing him to use it, I had been bored and searching facebook for random people I went to high school and college with.

Fast forward four hours... I go to respond to a message from a friend and I see a random facebook inbox message. Sent from me. To a random gentleman about my Dad's age.

Me (or technically Brian who will possibly not survive the day): hey sexy boy ;)

Me (again later once I realized the message had been sent): Hello, I am so sorry for the message sent to you this morning from my facebook account. Someone else used my computer at work and decided it would be funny to send inappropriate messages to strangers. Again, I apologize.....

Him: It's ok. Made my day :)

Oh em eff gee. Not only is my profile picture one of me with my Daddy (who is from Hometown and knows everyone), this "random old dude" works for the state police...out of Hometown. And he is facebook friends with a random collection of my friends parents, my Mom's friends, and my friends. Guess who is NOW guaran-damn-teed to get a freaking ticket in Louisiana?! THIS GIRL!

As I said, Brian my not survive the day. Then the state police will REALLY be after me. Fuck.

Thoughtless Thursday.

2011-06-16T10:26:00.003-05:00

No cute pic here today, peeps. I can't get my shit together enough to scour the interwebs to find something suitable. Why? Because my brain is slowly leaking out the open holes in my head in anticipation of my afternoon trip to the Social Security office.

If we all come out alive, I'll be Lucille MaidenName once again. This is assuming there won't be any bloodshed, which there shouldn't considering I have yet to purchase a new CARDBOARD EMERY BOARD (aka- my weapon of choice).

The only things in my purse at this point are a wallet, a make up bag (for my blistex and Tide pen?) and tampons. Maybe I could have a Luke Skywalker moment with a tampon? Maybe I should suggest that to Playtex... instead of inspirational quotes on the wrappers, they could put alternative ways to make use of tampons. Then they can team up with Real Simple magazine. Those people love a good "new use for an old thing." I think I'm onto something here, peeps. Stay tuned...

Emery boards: Used as weapons at courthouses since 1883.

2011-06-14T15:53:00.003-05:00

Dear Asshole Security Guard at the courthouse:

Thank you for believing that the rounded end emery board in my purse was a potential weapon and for making me "return it to my car" before entering the building. Since I'm such a rebel, I simply walked out, threw it in the garbage can nearest the front door, and re-entered. Please allow me to confess, I loved being greeted as if I hadn't just seen you, then patted down, especially after my bra strap set off the metal detector. I need to work on looking less like a criminal apparently. Me, in my workout pants and work polo, which prominently displays my place of business, nametag and all, would definitely lead most people to believe I am a hardened 12 year old criminal. Afterall, I'm looking much like a pre-teen these days, just ask any bartender.

My one minute long stay inside the courthouse to conduct my business was definitely long enough for me to murder/maim/dismember the clerk of court WITH MY CARDBOARD EMERY BOARD. If you hadn't stopped me, bloodshed would have been inevitable. The city of Little Rock and state of Ar-kansas thank you for your service. You'll be receiving your commendation and certificate of valor by mail in the next 3-5 business days, I'm just sure of it.

I hope you appreciated MY super fake, super Southern, super high pitched "Thank ya'll sooo much" as I was leaving as much as I appreciated YOURS. When you thought that you pissed me off by making me dispose of my CARDBOARD EMERY BOARD (which you did, but I didn't let it show) and then acted super sweet thinking you'd piss me off even more, I saw straight through that horseshit. You see, I am a master at that game, so I was able to return your sweetness/fakeness, thus pissing you off in the end. Good luck pulling that stunt in the future, you stupid dickhead.

Smooches, light, and love,
Lucille

Weekend Recap.

2011-06-12T18:41:00.001-05:00

This has been one lazy ass weekend and I couldn't have enjoyed it more!

Friday night, I went to an engagement party for some friends. It was my first "single" function and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be. The future bride and groom are masters at throwing random people in a room together and making everyone feel comfortable.

Saturday was completely uneventful. I laid out, worked out, and then went to dinner with Les. We attempted to go downtown to not one, but two new restaurants that were recently written up in the paper. Big ol' fat however, they were closed. Was I pissed? Damn straight I was. Grrr.. So we ended up driving out to East Jesus Land for mexican, followed by a detour to Community Bakery. I love those cookies...

Today was even more ridiculously lazy. I laid out this morning, made lunch, and took a nap. Yep. I needed an "off" weekend.

Today, June 12, however, has had someone excitement in my past. Today, 10 years ago, I fell off my roof. Oh yeah, baby. Happy Anniversary to me! I feel like I need to commemorate my moment of stupidity, but what would I do? Go do something even more stupid? Hmmm. I may just have a cookie instead.

Cyberspace is so old.

2011-06-10T09:48:00.003-05:00

I'm a fairly consistent person. I tend to keep things for a long time. Friends, greeting cards and letters, purses, email addresses...

A friend of mine posted something on facebook this week about being a digital packrat. She wondered how it was possible for a 28 year old to have decade-old emails. Well honey, you aren't the only one.

I've had the same email address since 1998. And guess what? I have emails from 1998. Oh yeah. Some are dumb, some are sweet, some make me cry. Like one from my favorite college professor/idol/role model (who passed away a few years ago) telling me that I inspired her as much as she inspired me. Or like the chain letter/questionnaire that Bob sent back to me telling me I couldn't be a chef (which was my answer to the question- what do you want to be when you grow up), because I only knew how to cook two things... tacos and pot roast. And the emails that I sent and received immediately following Katrina, since that was my only way to locate certain people.

Someday soon I may go through and clean out my email. For now though, I'm okay with being a digital packrat!

TIME SUCK!

2011-06-10T00:00:00.003-05:00

If you haven't already, please go take advantage of The Google's doodle for today. They're leaving it up for two days, because it's been so popular. Go see why. OMG. So. much. fun. Thank gawd they like and want to honor Les Paul! Coolest doodle ever.

Thoughtless Thursday

2011-06-09T11:06:00.003-05:00

Because Little Miss Princess Peach and her family are moving back to Louisiana this weekend. Sniff, snnnniiiiifffffff...

I'll have to console myself with one of my favorite pictures of their family... on vacation in Hawaii, away from dance class, Miss Peach was still practicing her posing.

I'm going miss ya'll soooo much!!

Well hello to you too, friend.

2011-06-08T23:26:00.003-05:00

So. My BSB (bullshit buddy) came into the gym today. When he walked in, I was on the phone. With my boss. I told him a quick hello and that I would come over and talk to him in a few minutes, because I was on the phone gossiping with my boss. This is how the rest of the conversation went:

Him: You gossip with someone other than me?
Me: Uh, yeah. And this is good stuff. I'll talk to you in a few.
Him: Ugh. You sorry whore.
Me: ...uncontrollable maniacal laughter....

That phrase was just so unexpected and was delivered in such a straightforward, serious manner, that I just lost it. Then he started giggling, I kept giggling, and my boss started giggling because I was laughing so hard I couldn't speak. When I was finally able to talk and told him one of our members had just called me a sorry whore, he just laughed even harder.

So, BSB. Thanks for the laugh today, friend. You sorry asshole.

What's in a name?

2011-06-07T10:33:00.004-05:00

So ya'll know I rarely refer anyone by their actual name on this blog. However, it's not just on this blog. It's in real life too. I never thought of myself as one of those people who gives everyone a nickname, but apparently I am.

Here an incomplete list of the random ones that aren't a play on their actual names, which I do fairly regularly as well (example: Andi becomes Aaaaaandrea and Christopher becomes Christopheeeeeeer):

Bob- Not his real name (...he calls me Candi)
BSB- Short for Bullshit Buddy (...he also calls me BSB)
Louise- Not her real name (...she also calls me Louise)
Ethel- Not her real name (...she calls me Mavis)
Brother Little- Self explanatory

Those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I KNOW there are more, but my brain won't cooperate at the moment. More to come as I remember them...

Weekend Recap: Pa Edition

2011-06-06T11:22:00.003-05:00

So this weekend was spent in Hometown at the rehab hospital with MP and Pa. I executed a well-planned escape for long enough to go see Kade and his Mom, but other than that, my ever-widening ass was planted in the most uncomfortable blue chair ever constructed.

So since I did nothing exciting, lets talk about Pa. I love him to death, but that man mutilates the English language more than any single person I've ever met. We've joked for years about Mom starting a Pa-isms book filled with all his ~~mutilations~~ expressions. You see, MP and Pa owned a business for a thousand years and Mom worked there with them. All day, every day. Mom heard more awesome things than we can ever possibly remember, both actual words and Pa words.

Like this weekend, he was describing one of his nurses... "She's kinda homely looking, you know, with country hair." Country hair? Really? What the hell is that?

And then he was trying to say something was upside down. Instead of the universally known, "UPSIDE DOWN" it's "bottom side upwards." Yep. And that's one that my entire family uses now. He is also the reason we use forks to eat ice cream. And not out of a bowl. Out of the container. My family eats ice cream out of the container with a fork. Yep.

So here's to my Pa... Preserver of language, upholder of etiquette, king of manners and grace. Thanks dude!

Thoughtless Thursday.

2011-06-02T10:29:00.005-05:00

Because as of today, I'm officially no longer married. Because I will be happy. Because I want to be.

Photo courtesy of icanhascheezburger.com

Lessons NOT learned.

2011-06-01T10:25:00.004-05:00

Ya'll have heard my roof story. I can joke about it, but it's still embarrassing as hell. And even though it was a very traumatic experience for everyone, including Brother Little, we can find humor in it...now.

Tangent time- I'm going to get a little deep and sentimental on ya'll. Sorry. I'm in that kind of mood right this minute. It's rare that I can admit my narcissistic moments. We all have them. If you can admit to them, then it's okay. Right? So anyway. A few years after the accident and one seemingly innocent conversation with BL, I realized how much my stupid act/accident affected him. He was only 13 when it happened. He and Daddy had been on vacation, camping in the Grand Canyon. They came home to find me laid up in ICU at a trauma hospital. Shocking way to find your daughter/sister, to say the least. Anyway, prior to that convo, I'd never really thought about how scared he was for me. My poor baby brother.

However, poor baby brother is NOT what I was thinking last week when I received the following text from him: "Yeeeaaaahhh, I just climbed onto my roof and didn't fall off. Jealous?" My response: "Punk. Stay off your damn roof."

He just HAD to use his "ninja skills" to climb on his roof to access his apartment after he locked himself out... of his second floor unit. And yes, I yelled at him a lot for not just CALLING POPALOCK! Damn kids these days.

Lunch break? Or jail break...

2011-05-31T16:41:00.004-05:00

What do YOU do on your lunch break? Eat? Errands? Exercise? Well if you're an employee of the business next door to my gym, you go sit in your car, you smoke CRACK, you pass out, your supervisor finds you, calls the cops, and you go to jail. Uh, yep. VERY productive lunch.

You see, my gym is conveniently located in a strip mall directly in between Goodwill AND a Dollar Tree. The clientele of these two locations are often the butt of many jokes amongst my employees. Now, however, it seems we may now make fun of the staff as well.

Oh joy. Welcome to Ar-kansas.

Weekend Recap.

2011-05-30T11:40:00.005-05:00

I'm such a busy bee in a social whirlwind. Not really. But this weekend was fun-filled.

Rather than be all cute and witty with my comings and goings, I'll just break it down for you.

Friday- Dinner and a movie with Leslie. Dinner: Buffalo Grill where I saw the fashion ~~victim~~ plate I mentioned in my previous post. Movie: Hangover 2. Good, but I think I'll like it more after I see it again.

Saturday- Laid out at my new apartment pool (not a fan). Hung out with a new friend. Hung out with an old friends (Princess Peach and her fam...and no, not that kind of old...).

Sunday- Playdate with The Pupster. Yay! Movie with Princess Peach's Mom. Load after load of laundry. Movie: Bridesmaids. Again, I liked it, but I think I'll like it more after several viewings. Laundry status: Complete.

Bottom line- I avoided ~~Redneckfest~~ Riverfest at all costs. No way I was getting involved in that big, sweaty, fat clusterfuck. NO thanks.

What style is this?

2011-05-28T15:23:00.004-05:00

Can we please add a class in school to teach kids how to dress? Pleeeease? Or better yet, make parents more observant before said children leave their homes?

We don't have time to discuss how I feel about how young girls are dressing these days. Instead, please allow me to tell you what I saw last night...

At dinner at one of my favorite neighborhood spots, a young, teenage-ish boy sauntered through the door. Now when I was that age, the boys wore khaki shorts, a short sleeve polo tucked in, and sandals. Or they wore jeans, a long sleeve button down, and work boots. Or some variation of those items. They dressed appropriately 90% of the time, especially if they were going to dinner on a Friday evening.

The kid last night was wearing... Ya'll ready for this? Sure? Okay. Girls skinny 7 jeans (with cute pockets?!) that were dangerously close to looking cropped. Cowboy boots. A slinky gray Under Armour 3/4 sleeve mock turtleneck. And he had a Justin Bieber haircut.

Why oh why would a boy wear that? A teenage-ish boy? Now I admit, I'll run errands in outfits that are less than appropriate at times (like sweats and rain boots to Kroger), but still. Really? Was this boy showcasing a new style? If yes, pray tell... what the fuck is it called?

Thoughtless Thursday

2011-05-26T12:42:00.003-05:00

Because on my way back from the doctor this morning (after a diagnosis of pink eye- Wtf? Am I 5 years old?), I saw this. Welcome to Ar-kansas.

Yes, this is a school bus at my neighborhood liquor store.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Er... Kinda.

2011-05-25T05:52:00.007-05:00

So. I'm up at ass-crack thirty and not so happy about it. However, my 5am employee wanted the day off (after totally bailing me out and working on Sunday at the last minute) so here I am. Not entirely awake.

Speaking of not being with it... Saturday I was in Hometown, hanging at Lacey's house when my Daddy called. I had just seen him 2 hours earlier so I knew this wasn't a social call. I answered the phone a little bit nervously, wondering what in the hell he was calling about. I was preparing myself for something bad.

Daddy: Hey! Happy Birthday! We had lunch today and I totally forgot to wish you a Happy Birthday!
Me: Daddy, are you drunk? (I asked this to my Southern Baptist, youth group leader father, who NEVER touches alcohol.)
Daddy: You know better than that! Just because I forgot your birthday doesn't mean I've started drinking.
Me: Ummm... Daddy?
Daddy: What?
Me: My birthday was last month. On April 20. The same as it has been for the last 30 years....
Daddy: ...crickets.... WELL CRAP! I looked down at my phone and saw that it was the 21st and thought I'd forgotten your birthday! I didn't realize we were in May. Whew!
Me: (laughing hysterically) Okay, Daddy.
Daddy: Well. Did I wish you happy birthday last month?
Me: Yes, Mamaw. You did. But thanks again! (Referring to his Mother, who was always confused and forgetful...in a cute way.)

I wonder when those crazy, forgetful genes will emerge in me. Or maybe they already have and I'm too crazy/forgetful to realize it? Well, crap.

Weekend Recap.

2011-05-24T10:53:00.002-05:00

Yeah, yeah. I know. It's Tuesday. Pretty soon my only posts will be a weekend recap and thoughtless Thursday. And you'll be fine with it, damn it.

I went back to Hometown... again. Pa is back in the hospital... again. I tell you, there is nothing more draining than sitting in a hospital room for a weekend. Doing nothing, just sitting there, wears me out.

The highlight of my weekend was the car ride home. One of my kids from work went to the same college I did (in Hometown). Truthfully, that's the main reason he got his job. I need my fellow alums up here with me in Razorback land. SO anyway. He wanted to go back down for graduation, but didn't want to spend a shitload on gas. Understandable. Hence my guest car rider.

And he brought with him... Totally Hits from the '90's. Holy balls. We sang and danced the entire way back to Little Rock on Sunday. It was awesome.

Solely based on his kick ass music selection, he was extended a never-ending invite to ride down there with me when I go. I mean, how could I possibly pass up that kind of entertainment?

Reflective Friday.

2011-05-20T10:21:00.003-05:00

There are certain things in life that I've come to accept about myself. Some of these things were easy to learn, some notsomuch. In no particular order they are:

1.) I cannot drink heavily anymore.
2.) I will never feel MY age; I will always feel my grandmothers age.
3.) I will never have long, flowing, voluminous hair.
4.) I will never be "skinny."
5.) Unless I want to endure pain at a hefty price, my boobs will not get any larger.
6.) I will never be the sort of girl who wears a lot of jewelry.
7.) Not having a French pedicure on my toes makes me feel plain and frumpy.
8.) Having fingernail polish on makes me feel like my fingers are bleeding- no matter the color.
9.) No matter how "hypo-allergenic" they make eye make up, I will never be able to wear it.
10.) I will never color my hair. I'm far too proud of my grays.

I think that's enough for this hungover Friday. More later I'm sure...

Thoughtless Thursday.

2011-05-19T16:08:00.002-05:00

This one is so thoughtless that I couldn't even find a coordinating picture. Pathetic, I know.

You may blame Comcast, even though I'm an ATT customer... Even once you change your service, THREE YEARS LATER Comcast will still find a way to screw you over.

Wanna buy a tshirt? It's not too late...yet.

2011-05-18T13:40:00.009-05:00

Ya'll know the world is ending this Saturday, right? Oh shit! You didn't know? You obviously have missed the mass marketing campaign carried out via billboards along our interstate highway system. Shame on you for not paying attention! Don't fret! You can still buy a tshirt! But you better overnight it, because, well, you know. UPS is generally a 7 day delivery and you don't have that kind of time.

Sorry to be the one to break the bad news. The rapture will occur on Saturday, May 21. There will be an earthquake at 6pm. I'm not real sure what time zone that is, but I'd be prepared all day if I were you.

Wondering what will happen to your pets? No worries, my friend! There will be pet-loving atheists left on Earth to care for your beloved animals. Just pay them $135 ($20 for additional pets) and they'll come collect those furry little critters for you! Problem solved.

Now the only thing left to think about is how pissed these peeps will be on May 22 at 12:01am. All that marketing money down the drain, no pets to play with anymore because they paid some stranger to take them away, and poor Harold Camping will have fucked up his prediction ONCE AGAIN (kinda like September 1994...).

I've got mail.

2011-05-17T23:00:00.004-05:00

Technology has reared it's ugly head. At my Grandparent's house.

So my Grandpa has been ill the last few weeks. Over the weekend he developed some complications with his schmancy new pacemaker, which sent him back to ICU Sunday evening. Instead of calling to tell me this, MP decided to email me. She freaking emailed me? She's 70. What the hell?

Coincidentally, I already had my cellular phone in hand to call her when I saw her email notification. So I basically I called and had a very stern talk with her about using the telephone in these sort of situations, after I made sure Pa was okay, of course.

So what does she do today after visiting him in ICU? Sent an email update. That woman!

Weekend Recap.

2011-05-16T21:24:00.005-05:00

This weekend wasn't too exciting. I drank a lot and ate a lot and spent a lot of time with girlfriends.

My only excitement was my Sunday afternoon visitation/playdate with my most favorite-est Pupster in the whole world! We went to the puppy dog park and had lots of treats. If we can coordinate it, me and the Pups will have a date every Sunday. I cannot tell you how incredibly happy that makes me! I didn't think I'd miss my baby dog this much, but I do. The (ex)Hubs has full custody and I'm so grateful we can be civil about this so I can see my animal! Can you see why I miss this sweet boy so much?!

Thoughtless Thursday

2011-05-12T09:50:00.000-05:00

Because this Saturday is the American Lung Association Fight for Air Climb. Finally! Because we're at 65% of our fundraising goal. Because it's not too late to register or DONATE!

Me- 1. Kitty- 1.

2011-05-11T09:15:00.004-05:00

So my new apartment, much to my supreme disappointment, has metal mini blinds installed. I HATE metal mini blinds. They just look so cheap to me. Plus, The Kitty loves to play them as a musical instrument. Let me explain:

Tangent time- I did my internship at a fabulous luxury retirement facility in Austin. It was one of the coolest experiences of my life, and I wish I would have postponed starting graduate school and stayed there to work. Oh well. I lived on site in one of the apartments and brought The Kitty with me for company. Mom and BL would come down and visit fairly often during those 3 or 4 months. One particular night as Mom was sleeping on the sofa, The Kitty was doing anything but sleeping. He was up in her face purring, making biscuits on her ass, generally being the obnoxious little shit that he was (is). Mom finally shooed him away, or so she thought. A few minutes later, The Kitty was standing on his back legs on the back of the sofa, "playing" the metal mini blinds like a vertical harp, staring back down at Mom as if to say, "Am I bothering you now? Huh? How about now?"

So. He rediscovered his love of metal mini blinds last week. Holy freaking balls. My sofa and bed are situated perfectly in each room so he has the perfect perch to practice his musical talent. Cheese and rice. I couldn't get drapes up quick enough. I kidnapped a boy (who owns a drill) yesterday and made him come hang my curtain rods. I put up my beautiful chocolate silk panels immediately.

This morning, I watched The Kitty as he tried to figure out how to get around all that fabric. HE COULDN'T. Dumb cat. Hopefully he won't get bored and determined to figure this little dilemma out.

So who?

2011-05-10T15:33:00.003-05:00

I was eavesdropping today, as I often do at work, at the store, in life...

There's been a lot of recent discussion about the rapidly approaching end of soap operas on television. However, the gentleman today wasn't calling them soap operas.

They were so-boppers to him.

Um, yep. Welcome to Ar-kansas.

Weekend Recap.

2011-05-09T10:50:00.003-05:00

The weekend. We had one. That is all.

Just kidding. I'm still pecking, so it is tempting to not blog...

I had a weekend-long pity party, which was interrupted by moments of fun and happiness. For some reason, being in Hometown this weekend was just depressing. I did all the same activities. Ate at all the regular places. Saw the same people. It just kinda sucked.

Mother's Day was pretty low key. We skipped church, picked up lunch to go, and ate at MP's house. Pa still isn't in great shape, so we didn't force him to leave the house.

And then... I got pulled over on the way home. Again. This time it was Trooper Jacks instead of Trooper Young or Lockhart. I got a written warning. Again. And I'm pretty sure he clocked the guy behind me. He said I was going 68 in a 55. I was definitely going 74 when I looked down at my speedometer (before I slammed on the brakes). Not only did he clock the guy behind me, he also failed to realize my drivers license expired last month. Oops.

Gotta love an unobservant State Trooper.

My body hates me.

2011-05-04T22:01:00.004-05:00

So I'm still here. Still pecking away at my laptop. I started this post on Monday evening. That's how long it's taken me to type this. Just kiddin'.

I don't love blogging right now. It's too time consuming and painful. These posts will be short and sweet for a while. I did, however, post earlier on my other blog. If you'd like to read all about my ridiculous body, head over there. I sure as hell don't have the energy/stamina/pain threshold to post this shit twice. Sorry ya'll.

I miss the home keys already.

2011-05-02T20:41:00.003-05:00

Do ya'll know how difficult it is to type with a broken arm? Holy balls. This is a lot harder than I thought it'd be.

You see, I'm a "home keys" kind of gal, thanks to Mrs. Bowman, my 7th grade typing teacher. I can't stand to peck at a keyboard. However, that's exactly what I'm doing right now. Damn bones.

On that same note, I have an appointment with an orthopedist on Wednesday to find out exactly how to start to heal this bad boy. The soft splint that quick care gave me isn't cutting it. Soooo. Please be grateful for every post you read from me in the near future and know it took me an inordinate amount of time to peck it out.

Weekend Recap.

2011-05-01T23:36:00.003-05:00

This could be an excruciatingly long post. However, I'll spare you and just give you the highlights:

Thursday- While I was moving into my new (closet-sized) apartment (with the assistance of MG and JS), my Grandpa was having major issues that landed him in ICU.

Friday- I continued moving (except without anyone to help) so I could get down to Hometown asap to see Pa and be there for MP. Somewhere along the way, I broke my arm, but pushed through the pain to get all my shit out of the old apartment. Drove to Hometown with a broken arm.

Saturday- Confirmed broken arm. Spent the day going in and out of ICU seeing Pa, who, by the way, is the proud owner of a new pacemaker.

Tangent time: I don't want to tell you his whole medical history. His would take longer than mine, and you know how long mine is. Just to give you an idea of how messed up this dude was... When the ambulance arrived at their house, Pa's heart rate was 25. Twenty-fucking-five. That is absolutely ridiculous. I can't tell you how relieved/grateful/thankful/happy/elated/whatever I am that MP called the ambulance when she did. Holy balls...

Today- More time in ICU, until they let him go home. Isn't that weird? From ICU to home. No regular hospital bed at all. Just home.

So now my worrying about him can slack up and I can worry about myself and this damn arm. I mean, seriously. My doctor is going to yell at me. A lot. If I can figure out how to get a copy of the xray off the disc that quick care gave me, I'll post for ya'll. I KNOW you want to see what an 87 year old broken radius looks like... Right?

Ferocia Coutura.

2011-04-27T16:14:00.004-05:00

Sooooo. Let's lighten the mood around here, shall we?

Ya'll want to hear another one of my ridiculous expressions? When someone is being extra protective (either a human or animal), I call them Ferocia Coutura. Do ya'll remember who that's from? Only my most favorite-est season 4 contestant on Project Runway. Christian was so freaking cute.

Anyway, a friend of mine went all Ferocia Coutura after my post yesterday, offering to drive to Ar-kansas and kick the ass of anyone who dared talk that much ridiculous shit.

I love my friends.

A burned, chapped goats ass?

2011-04-26T21:39:00.005-05:00

As my Daddy would say, "Some people just burn me up." Mamaw would say, "Some people just get my goat." I'm saying, "Some people just chap my ass (and make me want to strangle the ever living shit out of them as I simultaneously beat some sort of sense into them...hard)."

When Katrina hit New Orleans, some "Christians" said it was God's way of cleaning up the city. It was God's way to get rid of the gays, the lesbians, and the criminals. We won't get into how utterly retarded it is to lump homosexuals into a group with criminals...

So now, some of those same "Christians" are saying the same about the tornadoes and storms in Arkansas. That God clearly has it out for us. Really? I have absolutely no tolerance for assholes who are this fucking stupid. Really? Saying God creates all these storms on purpose to "clear out" what you think are the undesirable/unwanted/unclean/unholy is just plain ignorant.

Ya'll know I'm not super religious at this point in my life. I don't feel like I can claim a religion without being hypocritical and one of my biggest pet peeves is hearing/seeing a hypocritical "Christian" not practice what they preach. So I do not make any claims concerning my spirituality. And by doing that, clearly that gives me the right to make certain criticisms of others. (For those of you who take that last sentence seriously, well...)

If this post offends anyone and you stop reading my blog because of this, I can't help but assume all this hits a little close to home for you. Good luck with all that.